Tag Archives: fake names

ryan frost

8 Jul

Ok, now we’re gonna switch things up a little bit. The last few Facebook friends have been people who I think are assholes or who did something really ridiculous to me.

Ryan Frost, however was my bad.

First of all, the last name isn’t a coincidence, Ryan is Jacob’s brother. His twin brother. But this story is a prequel to that entire relationship.

I’m going to try to make this as uncomplicated as possible. The summer before my freshman year of high school, I attended summer school to get some crappy classes out of the way. Mostly, I didn’t want to have to dress out every day during the regular school year, so I took the required P.E. classes. It was here that I met Jacob and Ryan. They were a year older than I was, and dangerous. Not really, they were just a year older. I immediately took a liking to Jacob, as he was kinda a prick, and I’m really into that.

Now it is important to note that at this point, my best friend had just moved halfway around the world, so I was entering high school virtually friendless. Jacob and Ryan had quite the fan base, as they were more hot than not, and well… they were twins. When my crush on Jacob became obvious to my competition, they befriended me. They being Becky Kaminsky, Rebecca Knoll and Glenda Shedd. They were Jacob and Ryan’s age and had been classmates of theirs all through elementary and middle school. They taught me everything I know.

This was the birth of my stalking prowess. I learned their favorite foods, their favorite colors, their class schedule, their family history, where they lived, their phone number, how many times they masturbated a day (and when), their bus number, their locker combinations. I knew them better than I’ve ever known anyone that I’d spoken less than twenty words to in my entire life. Looking back, if I were them, I woulda been scared out of my fucking mind, but at the time, we thought we were being silly and Jacob especially always seemed amused.

I mentioned before that I was in the habit of making up fake names online and talking to people. One Thanksgiving, I was in an Albuquerque* chat room, claiming to be Ashley Gallagher who had just moved there from Camp Hill, Pennsylvania (yes, I put a lot of thought into my backstory). This boy started IMing me, we discovered that we both went to the same high school, and we kinda just hit it off. This was back when I was connected to the internet via a dial-up modem. This boy sent me his picture, and it started slowly appearing on the screen, centimeter by centimeter. Seconds after he had signed off, the image completed downloading, and it’s none other than Ryan Frost. And yes, I could tell the difference. Because I was am fucking crazy.

The mature thing to do at this point, would be to never use that alias/screen name again and move on with my life. But at the time I felt like it was fate. I had been given this golden ticket to insight on my boys. I would be Becky, Rebecca and Glenda’s hero. However, that’s not exactly how it went down. Ryan and I chatted every night for hours, and I never told my friends. I was always actually a pretty square girl, and lying to someone I actually knew really made me hate myself. Not only because we shared a lot of personal stuff, but because I could feel myself falling for him, and I was pretty sure he felt the same way. We arranged to meet several times. Every time, I watched him wait for me, and I always stood him up. It was really pretty fucked up, but like Jake Gyllenhaal, I had no idea how to quit him. This went on for about two months. And then my conscience got the best of me. Before we could have any sort of You’ve Got Mail moment (him, me, my dog, in a garden, Somewhere Over the Rainbow…), I deleted the screen name and moved on with my life.

But it haunted me. Mostly because I was left with that, ‘What if?’ I wondered if I had come clean, told him who I was, if he would still want to be with me. Turns out that answer was no. Toward the end of the school year, he just straight up asked me if it had been me, I admitted to it, and that was that.

Jacob and I became friends after that. Ryan and I never did.

I mean we never did in real life. Obviously we are on Facebook. This story actually really depresses me. Thanks a lot.

*I made up Albuquerque. Or did I…?