Tag Archives: dogs with stupid names

david kramer

2 Jul

A couple years ago, I decided that I needed a boyfriend. Not because I was lonely or anything, but because I was having trouble finding someone that would obey me on a consistent basis. I’ve never been a ‘Meet a Guy at a Bar’ type of girl, so I turned to the truly wicked world of online dating. I’m sure many people meet their soulmates online, but I just don’t get it. I always end up more disappointed when I finally meet them in person. I prefer things the old-fashioned way, ya know, shouldn’t my parents be forcing me into a betrothal to an evil lord in exchange for a herd of sheep or something? But I digress; I could write a book about the disappointments of online dating. Don’t worry, I wont.

So David Kramer. We were matched on e-Harmony, and I was surprised a little because I knew this guy. Kinda. Like I was already stalking him. Kinda. Oooh, I just realized that this is eerily similar to another story, and another friend of mine on Facebook. Maybe I’ll write about Ryan Frost next. But I’m all over the place here. David and I were pseudo co-workers. Meaning he worked for a company that worked for my company. I had seen him around a lot, and spoken to him briefly a few times in group conversations. I messaged him and we met for coffee.

Our first date was alright. There was no magic chemistry, but with me, there really never is. I did like him though, and could picture us dating casually, which also never happens with me, so there was a bit of excitement on my part.

My friend advised me to proceed casually, but casual has never been my thing. They were replaying The Godfather at the local theater, which was really like the most perfect thing possible, because 1- I love The Godfather, and 2- He’s a guy, therefore he loves The Godfather. I invited him, and he claimed he already had plans on the night it was playing, but insisted that otherwise he would’ve loved to go. He suggested we do something that weekend instead, I agreed, and never heard from him again.

I’m not an idiot. I know when I’ve been rejected, and so I did what I always do when I’m rejected: bury myself in a cave of self-loathing until someone lures me out with frozen yogurt and a movie night.

Life went on. I saw David a few times at work, where we would always exchange awkward hellos. Finally, to my relief, he was fired. That first date was in September. The following spring, I was hiking in the canyons with Gabby Donovan when I ran into him and his dog, Dumbledore. He was very polite. He stopped and talked to me for several minutes, at the end of it, he gets this puzzled look on his face and says, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

At this point I am furious. I guess I didn’t have a right to be, but as the person who remembers everything about everyone all the time, it does get pretty old to be so easily forgotten. All. The. Time. I mean, I remembered his fucking dog’s name, for christsake. I don’t remember if I told him my name or not. He knew I was mad. I wished him happy unemployment and walked away. When we passed each other again on the way back up the canyon, I ignored him.

A few months later, he adds me as his friend on Facebook. I accept. I online stalk him a little, online stalk his new girlfriend a little. You know, the usual.

A few months after that, we got matched on OkCupid, another online dating site. Guess things with his new girlfriend didn’t work out. I felt so terrible about that. Not.